Weddings

I've been thinking a lot about weddings lately, partly because I have an anniversary coming up on August 18 and have also been invited to co-officiate at a family wedding on the same date. Weddings have become a giant industry in my lifetime; the average American wedding now costs $30,000. TV shows like "Bridezillas" (a documentary-style show on the Women's Entertainment network that features out-of-control brides in the last few frantic weeks before the wedding up through the reception) only seem to increase America's appetite for bloated nuptials. The divorce rate seems to have stablilized, but the rising cost of weddings seems to be having little effect on whether the marriages that weddings are supposed to be about ultimately go the distance.

Churches and other houses of worship are increasingly moving out of the wedding loop. Millions of people have weddings performed by Justices of the Peace or by friends who have gotten ordained online for free through organizations like The Universal Life Church (word to the wise--weddings performed by such ad hoc clergy are not valid in several states and jurisdictions, including Connecticut, where I live). Reception venues, eager to cater to couples, make it easy for them to have weddings on site, eliminating the trouble of commuting from a house of worship. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I would like to feel that the counseling and support clergy provide to couples help them to make stronger marriages, but the research about divorce prevention is new, and new counseling techniques coming from the research is not common and doesn't yet have a proven track record. Churches could have a positive effect in encouraging couples not to over-spend on weddings, but most have been reluctant to venture into that territory. In fact, I don't know of a church that has a ministry to would-be couples in this way.

I can only speak for myself and my own wedding and marriage. We spent way below the national average at the time (then the average was $20,000) and six years and two kids later, we still like each other and feel madly in love. I would have done some things differently if I had it to do over, but nothing that would have increased the total expenses. One thing that I think was different for us was how much both of us planned the wedding together. We designed the invitations and a wedding website together. I did most of the heavy lifting but my husband more than pulled his weight.

The site that does the most to help would-be brides remain sane in the face of enormous pressure to be model-gorgeous and have a perfect wedding is indiebride.com. The articles there don't generally address spirituality directly, but helping people not fall into a commercialized trap has a spiritual dimension to it. It includes articles about the very latest books that dissect wedding-related craziness. It also helps women connect with a community of others thinking deeply about weddings and marriages.

Ecomall offers ideas for "green" weddings, and the whole idea behind green weddings is to limit conspicious consumption, so that is a good place to look for ideas to keep weddings less crazy and less expensive as well.

My favorite book for helping plan a wedding that prepares you for marriage is Becoming Married by Herbert Anderson and Robert Cotton Fite. It is available through Amazon.com. It comes from a Christian viewpoint but the wisdom in it is universal.

Do you have wedding wisdom our questions to share? Post your comments here.

Praying for the Earth

Many religions teach that God created the earth and charged people with its care. We don't always take this job seriously, even though most people love nature and depend on spending time surrounded by the beauty of nature to feel fully human and fully alive.

Our ancestors used to celebrate the gift of creation during the times that the seasons changed. It is good to pause to give thanks for what we have been given, and to re-commit to being good stewards of the created world. This is what Earth Prayers is all about. Not everyone loves "church"--the traditional hymns, the organ music, sermons--but almost everyone loves the beauty of nature.


We are very blessed to be able to inaugurate our "Earth Prayers" with the music of Jim Cole. Jim is himself a deeply spiritual person whose harmonic overtones singing strikes deep chords in those who are fortunate to hear it. After the music, there will be a chance to walk a sacred path on a Labyrinth. Whether you are a religious person who regularly attends a Church, Synagogue, Mosque or other house of worship, or the kind of person whose preferred method of connecting with your spiritual side involves a long walk in the woods, I hope you will join us for Earth Prayers.


Visit us at www.rivertonchurch.org.

Intentional Butterfly

I just discovered this new site, Intentional Butterfly. It is part of Innerlinks, a site that enables you to use virtual angel and mentor cards (Innerlinks requires registration but Intentional Butterfly does not.)

The Intentional Butterfly site introduces itself by saying,

You are important.

Your thoughts create.

Your actions matter.

Your presence changes everything.

Be an Intentional Butterfly,
a participant in the ripple effect of caring.

The features include a virtual sanctuary that invites you to make a blessing, an invitation to join the Intentional Butterfly circle (it is so new that they are inviting participants to help define the implications of that membership), a b-board, and an invitation to submit inspiring stories, etc. for their online library.

I have been using the Innerlinks angel cards for years and have always gotten a good vibe from the organization. You might like to at least check it out.

Spiritual Literacy

This week's cool link is Spirituality and Practice. Spirituality and Practice is a website run by Frederic & Mary Ann Brussat. Frederic is a United Church of Christ clergy person with a journalism ministry, and Mary Ann is studying to become an interfaith minister. The Brussats are also members of the Mevlevi Sufi order that traces its inspiration to Rumi. They are the joint authors of the book Spiritual literacy. The website features movie reviews, ideas for spiritual practice, online spirituality courses, an interactive community and much, much more.
Visit us at www.rivertonchurch.org.